


Will You Be My Maybe

by Poison_Bubble



Series: What I Am To You [1]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Aged-Up Dib (Invader Zim), Dib/Zim-centric (Invader Zim), Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, gaze upon it you filthy dirt worms, gir is precious i will protect, i dont make the rules ok, i wrote this at 4 am please dont hurt me, includes my sisters glorious art, rating may change depends on how this goes, thats about it, theyre just all gay, whatd you expect lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-10-28 00:56:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20769854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poison_Bubble/pseuds/Poison_Bubble
Summary: Zim gets invited to a Peace Treaty Ceremony and Dib decides to tag along. Terrible decision.In other words, I really wanted to make an Invader Zim fanfic but it's 5 am and I'm extremely tired so if it's bad don't kill me thank. Take my trash and leave, you know how it be with me.





	1. Care To Play?

**Author's Note:**

> Heya! I don't actually know if this is a fever dream or not, but hello regardless! My sister and I have been obsessing over Invader Zim recently and I've been talking about writing a fanfic, and here it is! Honestly, I'm not a fan of the pacing, I think it goes a bit fast, but I cut myself some slack since I wanted it to read a bit like an actual Invader Zim episode and it was mostly for fun so ah well. Anyway it's 5 am and I'm going to sleep now. Enjoy!
> 
> Edit: I didn't really find it relevant, but my sister said if enough people care it would be, so I'm just letting you know I've aged Dib up to be around 18 or 19, just cuz I've always seen him that way anyway and I can pile all my insecurities on him lmao.

Somewhere in space, gazillions of light years away from a peaceful planet known as Earth, a horrifying, galactic, political superpower was on the rise as the Universe's most feared rulers. And they were panicking. 

“Oh, god, what if I don’t know how to _ make _ peace?? What _ then_, Red??” Purple had been pacing the Grand Hall for half an hour now, stuffing raspberry filled doughnuts rapidly down his mouth.

Red would comment on how impressive it was if their minds weren’t preoccupied with other more pressing matters. “Relax, Pur, you’ll be _ fine_. You’re a _ Tallest_, remember? Besides, if anything goes wrong, you just let me know and we’ll blow the whole planet up, alright?”

Purple stuffed yet another bite in his mouth, sniffling as he chewed. “You mean it? The whole thing?”

“I mean it. The whole thing.”

Purple looked down pondering this, feeling much more confident in the situation. “Alright, I’m good. Thanks, Red.”

“Anything for you, Pur.”

Just then, a loud, resounding knock echoed throughout the hall. Immediately following said knock, the Grand Doors sighed as their hefty weight was pulled open. And there, many meters below the high-rise ceiling, was a small irken crewman. “My Tallest-”

“Can’t you see we're in the middle of a moment?” Red glared as he spoke, his hand resting upon the shoulder of a sulking Purple, who nodded miserably.

“Yea, can’t you see our moment?? It’s _ happening _?”

“I’m incredibly sorry, Sirs, but-”

“No ‘but’s’ Mr…. Who are you again?” Red squinted at the short irken.

“Um. My name is Durk-”

“Durk! Yea, of course. Anyway, no excuses. Now leave.” Red then turned back towards Purple, not even offering the crewman another glance.

“Perfectly fine, my Tallest, but I really think you should-”

“What’d I say about ‘but’s’ Durk?”

“Again, I sincerely apologize, however, this letter-”

Red rolled his eyes, massaging soothing circles into Purple’s back. “What letter- the _ peace letter _ thing?”

“Yes, the Peace Treaty Ceremony-”

“_Oho, god, he said it!! He said the words, Red!! _” Purple cried out suddenly, caving in on himself and covering his ears.

Red stepped closer to the frail irken, glaring down at him. “You said the words, Durk.”

“I don’t- what words?”

“We do not speak of the _ ‘PTC,' _Durk.” Durk took four steps back as Red loomed over him angrily.

He felt lucky he wasn’t deleted right then. “F-Forgive my insolence, my Great Ones, I didn’t know. I am simply here to point out that the letter instructed us to invite _ all _of the Irken Empire-”

Red blinked. “Ya-huh.”

“And I thought maybe you’d-”

“What? Maybe we’d _ what? _”

Durk swallowed as he sensed he wasn’t exactly in the Tallest’s good graces currently. But he had a job to do, and by god, he was going to try his damnedest to complete it. “I thought maybe you’d want to reconsider the current agreement-”

“Now why would we do _ that? _ ” Red sighed as he spoke, clearly already finished with this ordeal.

“My Tallest, think about what that’s saying for _ one moment_. The, and I quote, _ entire Irken Empire, _ which includes, not that you don’t already know as you are All-Knowing, _ any and all irken people _-”

“I see no problem there.” Red set his hands upon his hips, cocking them slightly. “Anything _ else _ you’d like to _ add_, Durk?” Durk glanced from a seething Red over to a completely disinterested Purple.

He sighed. “No, Sirs. I’ll send out the invites immediately.” He then saluted and made his way towards the Grand Hall’s exit.

Right before the doors began to close, he heard Red calling after him. “That’s what we _ like to hear, _ Durk!!” The heavy doors slammed with great finality.

***

Zim blinked at his monitor for a solid fifteen minutes. He couldn’t believe it. He had been stuck on this miserable, awful, _ smelly planet _ with no sign of his Tallest for _ far too long _ . And now, seemingly out of nowhere, he got a _ VIP Invader Invite to a Peace Treaty Ceremony _ . Zim shook his head; of _ course _ his Tallest wanted him there! He was probably the first they invited! He was, after all, their greatest Invader. “GIR!! I need my ship ready for hyperspeed!! She hasn’t traveled this long distance in awhile, so we need her engines warmed up. I will begin _ my part _ by researching the culture of which we are making peace.” GIR had fallen from the ceiling upon hearing his name, and saluted at his master’s request before waddling out to where the ship was stored.

The ship was stored, conveniently enough, in what the humans would call a 'garage.' GIR padded along the concrete until he reached the ship. He then pulled a giant smoothie from his head and promptly began sipping it. He would have finished the entire cup had it not been for a certain banging on the front door. GIR dropped his smoothie on the ground and went back into the foyer to investigate. As he opened the door, it was revealed that it was Dib who had knocked, and was also hiding a seemingly large object behind his back. Dib lowered his gaze and waved, leaning in slightly as he spoke. “Hey, GIR. I just got this new thing and I really wanted to try it on- I mean- _ show it _to Zim. D’you know where he is?”

GIR nodded and pointed back further into the house. “Uh-huh. We’re going to space!!”

“Space? What- why? Where are you going?”

“I dunno. Some kinda PARTY!!” GIR threw his arms up as he said this, and began twirling around in circles.

“GIR! Hold on a second. Do you know what _ kind _ of party? It’s not a... 'Hooray, Earth is Destroyed Party,' is it??”

GIR paused and tilted his head. “I don’t _ know… _ .” Dib tensed up, having all but forgotten his previous idea for the day. _ If Zim had some sort of evil plan… and no one would be there to stop him…. _Dib shook his head violently at the implications. Not as long as Dib Membrane were around!

“Hey, GIR…. Can you show me what ship you’re taking?”

***

Zim stretched as he leaned further back into his seat. It had been awhile since he had been on any hyperspeed trip, and he wasn’t particularly looking forward to it. Even though he was superior to the Dib Human, he himself enjoyed high-adrenaline activities much _ less _ than he would like to admit. This he learned through an incredibly dreadful day known only as '_The County Fair….' _Zim shivered just thinking back to it. He shook his head of those painful memories, and instead reasserted his attention to taking _ filthy _ human Xanax; a measure he took simply as a _ precaution _ so as to have done _ everything _ he _ possibly could have done _ to be as _ efficient as possible _ for his Tallest. That was all. After a few moments of sitting, (to warm up the engines of course), he felt much calmer and less shaky, (due to the engines being properly and thoroughly warmed up), and far more capable of driving his ship while in hyperspeed. “Alright, GIR. I’m just as thrilled as you to leave this disgusting human _ dirt _ behind us, but if you feel _ any need _ to do _ anything _ or say goodbye to _ anyone _-”

“GIR’SREADY- IPUSHBUTTONNOW. _ BOOP _ .” Zim didn’t even have a chance to process what GIR had said before he jumped forward and pressed the Hyperspeed Launch Button, successfully blasting the engines and skyrocketing them into outer space almost as immediately as the button was pressed. Zim let out a cry of panic, grabbing the steering stick and trying to blink away the tears ripped from his eyes. He tried to forcefully settle his rising stomach as the initial pull towards Earth let go and gave in to a more peaceful, gravity-less glide, but it was to little avail. He took in a deep breath as he recollected his thoughts. _ Right. He didn’t have anything to do back on Earth either. _ He nodded to himself as he gripped the steering harder, just for the added precision of course.

***

Awhile of absolute near-silence had passed before a small beep from the console lured GIR from his very light sleep, interrupting the soothing repetition of GIR’s soft snoring and replacing it with never-ending repetitions of ‘are we there yet.’

“GIR. Please. For the _ last time _ . The frequency means we’re within a _ certain number of lightyears _ . Not that we’re _ there _.”

“BUT I _ WANNA _BE THERE.”

Zim sighed as GIR began throwing his body around in a squealing tantrum. “I know, GIR… I know.”

Just then, a loud sound rang from the back of the ship, jolting Zim and causing, if only for a brief moment, the ship to veer significantly to the left. Zim crushed his lower lip between his teeth as he yanked at the steering to set them back on course. “GIR. WHAT _ IS THAT SOUND???” _

GIR stopped his tantrum suddenly, as if it wasn’t there at all, and gazed towards the back. “Oh yeaaa…. I dunno.”

Zim clenched his teeth in an attempt to cut back his temper. “Can you go _ look, _ GIR?” GIR nodded as he got up from his seat and scanned the backseat. As he did this however, the incredibly jarring sound had stopped very suddenly, a barely audible curse had been hissed beneath the breath of an unknown voice before the ship had fallen silent again. Zim dared not even look back so as to keep as ignorant as possible for as long as possible. He took in yet another deep breath. “GIR… Is there something you’re not telling me?”

GIR turned back from scanning to look over at his master, tears gathering in his eyes before he burst into another tantrum. “IT’S TRUE. I DIDN’T PACK YOUR FAVORITE SPOONS! I’M SO SOORRRRYYYYYY!!!!” GIR then began rolling around in his own tears, loudly sobbing apologies.

Zim pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, GIR. I don’t _ have _ any favorite spoons.”

GIR immediately stopped crying and sat up, blinking in realization. “Oh _ yea. _”

“GIR. I _ meant _ is there anyone _ else _ on this ship?”

GIR shook his head, standing up and making his way over to his small seat again. “Nope! Just you, me, and Mary!”

Zim nearly choked. “_M-Mary… _ ?”

GIR nodded, pulling another smoothie from his head. “Uh-huh! Mary said _ you _ said he could come! So I let him in.”

Zim clenched his eyes for a moment, squeezing until he saw those purple stars dancing before his vision. “GIR… I _ never said _ the _ Dib Human _ could come….”

“Yea, I know. But now he’s here! And we can _ PARTYYYY _!!”

“No, GIR. There _ will _ be no _ partying with the Dib. _”

GIR blinked up at Zim as he paused his dancing. “Why not?”

“_Because, GIR,_” Zim nearly hissed, “_The Tallest wouldn’t like that._” 

Almost as if on cue, Dib sprung out from under the blanket he’d been hiding, posing victoriously, and declared, very loudly, “_AND WHY NOT?? _ Is it cuz I _ foiled your plans _ for WORLD DOMINATION??”

Zim glared at Dib, his antennae cringing back at the sudden, uninvited noise. “No, _Dib, _ that’s _ not why. _ ”

Dib slowly fell out of his victory pose, disappointed in the lack of Zim’s reaction. “Then… why?”

Zim slapped his hand to his forehead, wishing, for the second time in his life, he could be deleted. “ _ Because, _ you _ pitiful, insolent, dirt worm, _ this is a _ Peace Treaty Ceremony. _ And the _ last thing _ the Tallest would want at a _ celebration of peace, _ is to _ deeply offend _ the culture of which we are _ making peace._”

Dib stood dumbfounded for a moment before crossing his arms indignantly. “What? Does _ every _ alien race get offended by the mere _ presence _ of humanity?”

Zim wanted nothing more than to punch this idiotic flesh-sack. “_No._”

“Then _ what is it, _ Zim? Cuz as far as I can tell, _ nothing _ is wrong with me just _ being there _-”

“_Because in their culture you arrive at events specifically ONLY WITH YOUR LOVER. _ ” Zim rushed the sentence out at the top of his lungs to prove a point, but seeing Dib’s face after the fact, he really wished he hadn’t. Dib nearly deflated, caught off-guard and mid-defense, he really didn’t know how to respond. So, he did the next best thing.

“_Oh._” He accepted defeat.

Zim chewed on his lip, trying to come up with quick solutions to his incredible dilemma. Normally, he would just toss Dib out of the airlock. The only problem was he didn’t _ have _ an airlock, and opening any exit would toss himself out too. He could also just _ delete _ the Dib, but deleting humans proved to be messier than deleting irkens, and Zim really didn’t want to deal with the aftermath. Zim sighed, scouring his brain for _ something _ to get him _ out of this situation _ without costing the respect of his Tallest.

It was then that GIR piped up. “Why don’t you just _ be lovers _ ?”

Dib made some sort of gagging noise but Zim’s gears began turning. _ That wasn’t such a bad idea…. _“No, no, no…. That could _ actually _ work...”

Dib whipped his head towards Zim, a horrified expression contorting his face. “_What._”

“Dib, think about the situation I’m- I mean, _ we’re _ in. _ I _ don’t want to upset my Tallest, _ you _ can’t get back home alive without _ me. _ If we can somehow… _ trick _ this inferior 'peace race' that we’re… _ you know, _ just for the span of the celebration, _ I _ get to spare my reputation with my Tallest, and _ you _-”

“_Get home safely _ ….” Dib brought his hand up to cup his chin in thought. He really didn’t have much choice, that was true. He hesitantly looked over at Zim, a similar displeasure at the idea showing through the alien's features. But also signs of desperation and resignation. _ This was their only shot at getting what they wanted. _ And if they had anything in common, it was the stubbornness and determination to _ achieve that at any cost. _ “Ok…” Dib took in a deep breath, holding out his hand.

Zim looked down at it in disgust, a shiver running down his spine at the near _ thought _ of agreeing to something with the _ Dib. _ But Zim repressed it, as he’s grown accustomed to doing, and met Dib’s grasp with his own. They shook once, twice, three times to seal the deal, just as the ship indicated they were approaching their destination. Zim’s eyes widened as he turned to confirm what he’d heard by observing the looming planet before them. “Don’t let me down… _ human._” 


	2. Ready, Set, GO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sister and I have been sitting in her room just straight up conspiring for and creating this fic all day? It's literally just become pure self indulgence at this point, so we're both having a lot of fun with it! Just telling you now, getting an update this soon is NOT normal, but I honestly never know with my schedule so keep your eyes open!

Zim took in a deep breath as he looked out at the many many spaceships collecting at the designated parking area. He himself had already landed his Voot Cruiser and turned off his engines, but he stalled to exit the craft as he tilted his head at Dib.

Dib furrowed his brow. "_What._”

Zim was snapped out of his pondering by this question, his facial expression shifting from contemplative to irritated. “As you know, _ Dib Human, _ the Irken race is _ far superior _ than you _ human scum. _ I’m just trying to conceive of _ any reason _ why such a _ powerful _ Irken Invader such as myself would _ ever _ copulate with such… a _ worm species _ ….”

Dib choked. “_C-Copulate?? _ ”

Zim ignored him, continuing on. “Anyhow, I was thinking of ways to avoid such a disgrace towards myself and came to the simple conclusion that I’d _ never _ lower myself to being in a relationship with a _ human. _ ”

Dib blinked incredulously. “Ok… except we’ve _ already come to the conclusion _ that we have to _ suck it up _here-”

“_Zim wasn’t done, _you piece of _corn._” Zim huffed, taking a moment to straighten his antennae in frustration. “In order to continue with this _miserable _plan, I’ve devised a _flawless _solution: you’ll just simply have to _become _irken!”

Dib took a step back, taking a defensive stance. “Whatever _evil device _you have that can somehow _alter _my genetics- I don’t want _anything to do with it-_”

Zim sighed, already making his way towards the back of his ship where he stored his extra clothing and supplies. “Nonsense, if I _had _such a device, I’d surely never _waste it on you_. No, no, I _meant _you can wear irken appendages to hide your _smelly human features._” Saying this, he held up one of his larger irken uniforms towards where Dib was standing, closing one eye to see if it’d fit him. Nodding to himself, he then turned back towards his storage, throwing the garment back in Dib’s direction.

Dib screeched in shock before raising an eyebrow at the metallic, purple, dress-like piece of cloth on the ground before him. He hesitantly leaned down to pick it up, surprised by the liquid-like texture. “Sooo… what, I just wear your clothes?”

Zim rolled his eyes as he blew the dust off of his Organic 3-D Printer and scanned his antennae. “No, _of course _that wouldn’t be enough to deceive the _Great Irken Race, _human. You’re going to need a PAK and antennae… and… your _hideous multi-ring eyeballs _need to be dealt with as well.”

Dib instinctively raised his hands up to his eyes considering this. He’d never actually _wore _contacts before. He looked back over to Zim who was busy pushing buttons on some kind of… _printer? _“What _is that thing _anyway?”

Zim finished setting his preferences and glanced back towards Dib. “Oh, pardon me, I’ve forgotten your _inferior minds_ have only conceived of printing _plastic. _Behold, human! Everyday irken technology! It can print organic material from foods to body parts, whatever you can scan, you can print.” As he said this, the small handheld box made several whirring sounds as a digital progress bar lit up along its side, displaying the speed at which it created whatever Zim had told it to. Dib wouldn’t admit it, but irken technology never ceased to amaze him. Zim made a small nod as the device made a _ding _noise and spoke something in a tongue Dib didn’t understand. He guessed Irken. “And you see, Dib, my device is _also _significantly faster than your _dirt machines. _BE AMAZED.” Dib squashed any interest he’d had in the irken device at Zim’s words, refusing to let Zim believe _any _of his _deluded _supremacy.

So instead he rolled his eyes. “Yea, whatever, it’s not _that _advanced. Give humanity another five years, it’ll be old news.”

Zim pouted a bit at Dib’s response, then hid his reaction by holding the device level with his face as he pulled out what it had created. He then tossed them at Dib dismissively, walking towards the exit of his ship. “Just- put those on and stop your human _complaining_.” Dib struggled to balance what was thrown at him for a moment before he observed what he was to wear. He tilted his head at the collection of strange items before looking over at an impatient Zim. “_Well? _Put them on.”

Dib picked out the antennae and squirmed at the way they twitched in his grasp. “W-why are they _moving??_ And- And _where’s the_ _headband?_”

Zim squinted over at Dib incredulously. “What’s a- _‘headband’? _Have you never seen attachable appendages? You just set them on your head and wait for the neurolink to be established.”

Dib stood dumbfounded a moment before shaking his head. “Wait- _what? Neurolink?? _What does that _even mean??_”

Zim crossed his arms impatiently and huffed under his breath. “If you’re too _incompetent _to do it _yourself_, then I guess _I’ll do it for you._” And with great finality, Zim marched over to Dib and snatched the antennae from him, setting them upon the correct space on Dib's head. Dib held incredibly still, not having expected Zim to be so brash about it. Zim stood back, looking down and to the side as the antennae let out a small beeping sound. “There, now just wait a few moments and they’ll be set up. Then throw everything else on and we can _finally _join the other Invaders at the Event Hall.” As he said this, Zim shuffled back towards the door.

Dib blinked as he realized Zim had stepped back and walked away; he had hardly noticed. He then looked down at the clothing garment and printed PAK. “Wait- is your _backpack _organic matter??”

Zim cocked his hip and glared at Dib. “Can you _please _just put it on.” Dib shoved down his instinct to bite back and slipped out of his trenchcoat. He then looked over at Zim expectantly.

Zim raised his eyebrow, unmoving. “What.”

“Do you _ mind? _ ” Dib gestured obviously towards the garment he was preparing to slip on over his jeans.

Zim rolled his eyes as he turned around dramatically. “Oh, for _ christ’s sake _ , Dib.”

Satisfied, Dib pulled off his shirt and began trying to figure out Zim’s clothes. As he fought into it, he subconsciously noted how it smelled… _ sweet? _ Dib forcefully shoved this irrelevant observation away as he pulled the thing over his head. He noticed as he was putting it on that the uniform included a hole in the back- he assumed this was for the PAK he now had to figure out. Realizing this, he turned the printed thing in his hands. He observed how it wasn’t pink like Zim’s; but it was purple. It was the same as the uniform and the eye contacts. He wanted to ask about it but decided against it; Zim was already pissed and impatient enough. After guessing the PAK was similar to the antennae, Dib held the PAK against his back where he assumed it should be and waited. After a moment or two, Dib felt a cold sensation shivering up and down his spine as the PAK pressed itself snugly against Dib’s back. Dib was hesitant to let go, but as he did, it was confirmed that the PAK had securely attached itself to his shoulders. He took in a deep breath as he noted how light-headed he felt. He eyed the contacts with disdain- he _ really _ wasn’t excited about wearing sclera contacts _ all day _ . But seeing as Zim was already fed-up with his antics, he decided to tread more cautiously.

“Ok, I’m _ done _ .” Dib grumbled as he slipped his trenchcoat back over his arms.

Zim turned around and shook his head. “No, no, no, you can’t wear that _ thing _-”

“The trenchcoat stays.” Dib looked at Zim, a clear warning in his newly-purple eyes.

Zim felt he shouldn’t argue any further and sighed. “Fine, but you _ have _to show your PAK.”

“Why??”

“You just _ do, Dib _ .”

Dib crossed his arms but sighed in resignation. “ _ Fine _ .” He then turned around as Zim took a small laser from his own PAK, created a microscopic slit in the leather fabric, and stepped back. Dib looked over his shoulder, clearly confused. “Um. I don’t think that’s a big enough-” Just then, Dib felt that same cold, shivering sensation crawl up his spine as his PAK extended from his back and shimmied through the slit Zim had created, nesting against Dib’s back again but with the coat safely tucked beneath. Zim hadn’t even bothered to watch, having walked past Dib immediately after putting his laser back in his PAK; but Dib was transfixed. “How- How does it _ do that _?”

“Hm?” Zim looked away from the one-sided window towards Dib with an expression so neutral you’d think they were talking about the logistics of brushing teeth. “You mean your PAK?”

“Y-Yea? I mean- I guess? It’s not _ really mine _though-”

“Oh, no, it is most _ definitely _ yours. Only an _ idiotic _ PAK such as your own would send out _ that kind _ of signal.”

Dib blinked. “Huh?”

Zim took in a deep breath and held it a moment before letting it out in a rush. “I don’t have the time _ nor _ patience to explain to you _ simple irken anatomy; _ so if you _ don’t mind, _ can we get a _ move on, please? _ ” As he said this, Zim grabbed Dib’s wrist and pulled him towards the exit of the Cruiser impatiently, pushing the button to lower the Vootbridge and open the door. Just as the metal touched the ground, Zim began nearly jogging towards the ship bay exit.

Dib let out an indignant screech at being pulled against his will, but he picked up his pace to keep up. “W-What if the disguise doesn’t convince them?? I’m not exactly _ ‘fool-proof irken’ _here.”

Zim huffed as he rummaged for his keys to lock his Cruiser. “Your disguise is perfect, now hurry up.” 

***

The Irken Armada had arrived only a few hours ago, but Purple’s stress levels were steadily rising. “What is this- I mean? Isn’t it all a bit _ too easy, _ Red? Usually planets _ cower _ or- or- _ fight back- _ but they’re just- _ not doing that _ ? Like what’s _ with that _ ?”

Red nodded as he stuffed another ten doritos in his mouth. “I guess they just accepted the inevitable? They acknowledged how superior the Irken Empire is and gave in?”

Purple leaned against Red’s shoulder for comfort, fiddling with the Planet Detonation Button. “It just doesn’t feel _ natural _.” 

Just as Purple had settled on his shoulder, Red’s eyes widened with recognition and extreme panic. There, across the entire Convention Hall, was a blinking sign signifying who arrived when. And briefly, for only a moment, one terrible, unuttered irken name appeared on the screen. “_ ZIM???” _ As Red screamed in panic, several half-chewed doritos spilled out of his mouth and onto Purple’s shoulder.

“ _ Heeey _ , you got chips all over my- _ WAIT DID YOU SAY ZIM?? _ ” The Tallest then began screaming and flailing their arms around until Purple paused to notice a small detail. “Wait a minute… ‘and his _ plus one _ ’?? Zim has a… _ plus one?? _ ”

Red blinked. “To _ this specific _event?” Red glanced over at Purple, realization building. They burst into laughter. “HBFBFBF FUNNY ONE-”

“RBRGB3KNF YEA- ZIM WOULD _ NEVER _HAVE A ‘PLUS ONE’-”

“KJNFKJW Y-YEA, AND- OOoooo….” Red stopped dead in his tracks as he could finally actually _ see _ Zim and his… ‘plus one’ over the crowd.

Purple tilted his head in disgust. “That is one _ ugly _irken he’s got there.”

Red nodded. “Kinda _ tall _though, isn’t he?”

Purple looked closer at the irken stranger. “Huh. Yea… about as tall as an Irken Elite….”

“That fact makes me _ incredibly _uncomfortable.”

“Yea, me too…. I’m just gonna forget this ever happened and go back to laying on your shoulder.” As he said this, Purple lowered his weight to do just that.

Red smiled. “Yea, I’ll keep my eye on him.”

Purple muffled some sort of affirmation against Red's shoulder, closing his eyes and relaxing for a bit.

***

Zim continued to pull Dib along until they were well into the Convention Hall and reasonably _ far away _ from the ship parking bay. _ No turning back now…. _ “Right, so, _ Dib. _ Your job as my… _ significant other _is to-”

“I’m not gonna follow ‘love rules,’ Zim. This is gonna be _ nothing but a title__,_ got it?”

Zim pulled down his antennae in worry and frustration. “Can you _ please just listen for once, _ you under-cooked _ potato? _ ” Zim took in a calming breath, releasing and smoothing out his antennae. “Listen. Irken love culture is _ very different _ from _ human _ love culture. _ ‘Love’ _ is a thing reserved _ only for the Elite_, of which of course I am one, and is _ extremely rare. _Irken soldiers don’t really _ have _ time for… _ feelings. _ Anyway, _ because _ of that, if an irken is _ in _ a relationship, they are _in a relationship. _ Do you understand, Dib human?”

Dib thought about that. “Ok… I’m listening. But only cuz I know only a race like _yours_ could be _ that heartless. _”

“_Heartless? _ Human, it is the exact _ opposite _ of _ heartless. _ Irken love is _ dedicated for eternity _ and is _ lavishing and gentle. _ It is an _ honor _ and a _ privilege._”

Dib sighed. “That’s the problem though. Love shouldn’t _ have _ to be ‘earned’ or whatever.”

Zim paused and thought about that. He shook his head violently however, as questioning the _ Irken Empire _ was ridiculous. He’d been on Earth _ far too long _ if he was even _ considering agreeing _ with a _ human_. “Whatever _ you _ may think, _ Dib, _ it doesn’t matter! _ You’re _ not who we’re trying to fool here.”

Dib rolled his eyes. “Fine. So, what? We _ hold hands? _”

Zim pondered this. “Closeness, yes. Frequent leaning, gentle touching, destroying anything the other wishes-”

“Wait, huh?”

Zim was surprised at Dib’s interruption, thinking these things were all common practice, even on Earth. “Are you not familiar with the ‘closeness,’ Dib?”

“No, no, not _ that. _ The whole… _ destroying stuff _ thing.”

Zim blinked. “Well, you’d want your loved one comfortable, yes?”

Dib pinched the bridge of his nose in defeat. “Whatever. Can we _please_ just get some food?” Dib didn’t know how much time had passed, but he hadn’t eaten anything that day anyway and figured he might as well.

Zim pursed his lips as he looked over at the very long food bar serving countless intergalactic delicacies. “I… _ suppose. _ But we _ must _stay close!!”

“Yea, whatever.” Dib dismissively called over his shoulder as he grabbed the hand of a blushing Zim and rushed over to the rows and rows of food.

***

Tak had been invited to some sort of “Peace Party” in the far off corners of Nowhere Space; and the _ only _ reason she cared to show up was because it was said the Tallest would be there, and she knew an opportunity when she saw one. She was somehow going to gain an audience with her Tallest, explain her situation, tell of her victories. Anyone can sympathize with someone crushed at the hands of _ Zim. _ She couldn’t even stand the _ thought _ of that _ defective irken failure. _ She remained surprised that Zim even made it into existence in the first place. _ The Control Brains rarely made such a grave mistake. _She took in a deep breath, swirling her exotic drink in her hands. Oh well. At least the worst of it was over.

She spoke too soon.

  
After her choking fit caused by the mere _ shock _ of even _ thinking _ of seeing Zim again, she squinted her eyes to see farther. And there, on the far end of the food bar, was _ Zim. _ She prepared to march over and kick his ass back to his miserable _mud-ball _of a planet when she noticed his hand in another’s. She paused. She recognized them. _ That was no irken. _ That was the _ pathetic, wriggling, dirt human Dib! _ Two in one. She let a vicious smile curl her lip. But then she hesitated. _ Why _ was Dib here? And _ why _ were they- _ holding hands…? _ Realization dawned on her immediately. The terrible irken disguise. The hand holding. The forced and strained expressions upon their faces. Tak slowly sat back in her chair, pondering this situation. This was _ far worse _ a fate for Zim than Tak could've even _ dreamed of. _ And leaning back, a content smile upon her lips, she couldn’t wait to see it unfold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for catching up! See you next time!!
> 
> Again! The INCREDIBLE FUCKIN ART is drawn none other than my SUPER SKILLED sister, Rabuu Bunni!! Check out more of her stuff here! (We also occasionally post things yet to be seen,,,)  
https://rabuubunni.tumblr.com/


	3. It's Just a Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys!! For one, I'm incredibly grateful for all the comments and kudos!! We've reached over 100 kudos at this point, and that number is still growing! I couldn't thank you guys enough, you've all been so kind to my sister and I as we embark on this journey of self-indulgence.  
Sorry this chapter took so long; we haven't had as much free time as I would like,,,
> 
> Also! An announcement! I have planned where this fic is going a bit, (surprising, I know), and this fic will be the first in a series! I'm not sure it'll be a long series or not, but expect at least a part two after this fic wraps up!! 
> 
> Thanks again guys, and I really hope you enjoy this chapter! A small warning before you start! (I know, I know, shut up already, right??), there IS some smut at the end of this chapter! Please, please, please don't read it if it makes you uncomfortable!! Just skip over it, it'll be fine. Also, it was my first time actually writing smut, so,,, I'm pretty worried about it, aha. Just promise you'll give me mercy.
> 
> Love you. <3
> 
> (Pps, you'll need this,,,)  
https://draconic.twilightrealm.com/

Dib gagged at Zim’s extremely large pile of sickening sweets upon their table. “Why is it that literally _ everything here _is just sugar deep fried in white chocolate?” 

Zim looked around his pile of food, rolling his eyes at Dib’s reaction. “I honestly don’t know why you’re so against Irken food. It’s _ significantly _ better than that _ trash _ I suffered through while on your _ miserable _planet.” Saying this, as if to make a point, Zim shuffled yet another gigantic bite of his fluffy cake-like appetizer into his mouth. 

Dib sighed. “Honestly, I just need something with a bit more of a… _ tangy _ taste? Do you have _ anything _ like that, like, at _ all? _ ” Zim pondered what tangy even _ meant _for a moment before his thought process was interrupted by several large and abruptly loud speakers scattered around the ginormous Convention Hall.

_ “Welcome, Irken Empire, to the Peace Treaty Ceremony between the irkens and the nadians! First of all, we’re very happy you all could make it. Starting tonight, we’ll be making history as the very first Galactic Peace Treaty between the Irken Empire, and a race not immediately included in that description, is signed; and we are honored. Please remember that soon we’ll be holding the Honorary Smoots in representation of our peaceful togetherness.” _

Zim nearly choked on his food. “_ Fuck, the SMOOTS. _” 

Dib cocked his head. “What’s a… ‘smoots’??”

“Not _ a _ smoots, _ the Smoots! _” Zim stood up and began pacing, his stress making his spooch rate increase to a point where he couldn’t stand sitting still. 

Dib watched as Zim waddled back and forth, mumbling to himself. “Uh. Is this something _ I _should know? Like- why are you freaking out so much?” 

Zim paused in his pacing and groaned. “_ Because, Dib-thing, _ this god awful plan just keeps getting _ worse and worse _ and I’m just _ done _ dealing with all the- all the-”

“_ Stress? _ ” Dib crossed his arms as he said this, almost _ enjoying _seeing Zim express such a human emotion. 

Zim scowled. “Not _ stress, _ irkens can’t _ have _stress.” 

Dib shrugged. “Maybe you’re more _ human _ than _ irken _at this point.” 

Zim jumped at Dib suddenly, his PAK-legs expanding his height and curling menacingly around Dib. “** _NEVER. NEVER IMPLY I, THE GREAT IRKEN INVADER, ZIM, AM MORE HUMAN. THAN IRKEN._ **” 

Dib froze at the sudden, unexpected danger of Zim ready to peel his skin clean off his body. He shrank back, ashamed of feeling a need to, but instinctually doing so nonetheless. Dib squeaked out a tiny apology as he kept his gaze locked on the cold marble floor. He felt pathetic. But he could also feel people staring. And a ton of unwarranted attention was the _ last thing _ he wanted on an alien planet. Zim seemed to catch on as well, as he lowered himself cautiously, sheepishly looking from his left to his right as his mechanical legs tucked themselves back into his PAK. As Zim lowered his height, Dib felt his fear strangely decrease at an abnormal rate, as if it wasn’t really _ his _fear at all. He blinked. 

Zim cleared his throat, breaking the thought process before it could formulate any actual theories. “Anyhow, the Smoots is a sort of… formal dance? I only had so much time to research Nadian culture before I left, and decided to gloss over that part since it didn’t really _ apply to me at the time _.” 

Dib tilted his head. “Why not?”

“Well you see, _ you waste of cholesterol, _ the Smoots is for _ significant others only _ . The nadians pride themselves on a _ ‘full and outward expression of commitment’ _ yada yada, blah blah blah, and have many different dances to _ show that _ on many different levels.” 

Dib cringed. “And. Uh. What level’s the Smoots…?” 

Zim clenched his teeth as he spat. “A level high enough to be _ extremely uncomfortable _.” Dib groaned. 

Zim nodded, continuing. “My _ main concern, _ Dib-human, is that you don’t _ know _ the Smoots, and will therefore _ make a fool of Zim! _” 

Dib looked over at Zim incredulously. “_ That’s _ your _ main concern _???” 

Zim ignored him, pondering how best to go about this. “We have a good while before the Smoots is set to begin… I could possibly… _ teach you _ the Smoots to the _ best _ of my _ superior _ ability…” Zim looked Dib up and down as he said this, a faint blush forming just below his eyes. Dib didn’t notice. “I just worry your human frame is a bit… _ insufficient _for the Smoots, and-”

“Hey, what’s _ that _supposed to mean??” Dib cocked his hip, his arms crossed over his chest. 

Zim rolled his eyes. “It _ means _ human body’s are _ far less _ capable of range of motion, you _ melted orange-flavored popsicle _.” 

Dib looked down at his arms as he twisted them, almost testing this theory. He then looked back over at Zim. “You don’t _ look _that much more capable of flexibility though?” 

Zim sighed. “That’s not the _ point _ though, is it? Regardless, you _ just may _ be passable. We need some… _ private place _ where you won’t _ embarrass _me in front of everyone… GIR!” 

The tiny robot had been smothering himself in the chocolate fountain for the past while when he heard his name called. He immediately rocket-blasted himself towards his master, leaving a trail of fudge behind him. “YES, MASTER!” 

Zim begrudgingly swiped the chocolate off his face for a moment before looking down at his tiny henchman. “GIR, find a place of privacy for Zim and… _ the Dib _.” 

GIR saluted, eyes flashing red, as he splashed more chocolate on Zim’s cheek. Zim huffed. “SIR YES SIR SCANNING FOR PLACE OF PRIVACY IMME- Oh, I found one!” 

Zim blinked. “You have?” 

GIR nodded. “Uh-huh! They have _ special rooms _for privacy, you just gotta ask!” 

Zim’s eyes lit up as they followed where GIR was pointing. “_ Aha! _ Perfect. Follow Zim’s lead, Dib-thing!” Dib hesitantly followed Zim’s confidant march, his hand limply holding the other’s. He could deduce from the confused looks of the irkens around him that they either weren’t convincing enough, or Zim really _ was _ right about love being a rare thing. Dib looked away, keeping his gaze on Zim’s back. _ Better not to think about it. _

Once they approached the small desk GIR had pointed to, Dib started getting a funny feeling about the nadian’s assumptions for the need of ‘privacy.’ To the left of the computer-looking device the nadian stared into, a small sign read: _ “To all guests who need to find the fun somewhere else. :)” _Dib shivered at what that implied and tapped Zim’s shoulder. 

Zim turned around, an annoyed eyebrow raised. “What is it, Dib-feet?” 

Dib continued to observe the hallway filled with doors stretching beyond the desk area and lowered his voice to a whisper, hiding his mouth behind his hand. “Are you _ sure _you know what you’re signing up for…?” 

Zim shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like I speak _ fluent Nadian, Dib, _ but I certainly think I can get the message across. Stop your human _ ‘fretting’ _ and just leave it to the _ superior _here.” Zim stepped up to the nadian behind the desk, a confidant smile on his lips. He gestured to the privacy sign, then to himself, and then towards Dib. 

The nadian looked from Zim to Dib, then craned her neck around the sign to read it. Her face then lit up with understanding as she spoke in an alien tongue. “Kwi, wux jatil wux tuor ekess rumag ios wer saurivic di lyriki? Si kampiun, ir klewar petranas!” She then began typing on the keyboard in front of her, humming to herself. 

Zim nodded and looked over at Dib, a cocky smile threading through his lips. “_ See, Dib? _I told you it wouldn’t be hard!” 

Dib didn’t even offer Zim a glance. “All you did was point to a sign, it’s not exactly sorcery.” Zim huffed as he crossed his arms in defiance. 

The nadian at the desk smiled as she handed Zim a key. “Wow, wux guys re filki wer yinvetsilti, re wux ti? Yth tepoha vi deluxe suite batobot ui ilieh ihk wer trian di wux! Zi cozy.” 

Zim blinked down at the key handed to him and tried for another confidant smile. It didn’t come out that convincing. “Ah! Yes… the… _ deluxe suite!! _ Thank you, kind nadian female!! Cozy is _ just _what I ordered!” Zim offered Dib a sheepish glance, specifing that no, he had no idea what the fuck half of that meant. 

Dib rolled his eyes as he snatched the key from Zim’s grasp and observed the number scrawled on the side of the glistening tool. “I think we just walk down that hallway till we find our room.” Zim followed Dib's gesture past the desk and down the seemingly never ending corridor. 

He groaned. "We have to _ walk all the way there _??"

Dib blinked. "What'd you _ think _ was going to happen? You expected them to _ carry you _?"

Zim waved his hand dismissively at Dib. "No, no, no, you don't get it. The nadians are _ notorious _ for _ overwhelmingly endless _hallways." He said this as he dramatically held his arm out, as if dying of thirst in a desert.

Dib rolled his eyes. He did that often around Zim. "We're room three. It's literally just right there." Dib didn't even wait to finish his sentence before he started walking down the hall, pointing obviously towards a large wooden door with a curved, golden three adorning its surface.

Zim blinked, frozen in his over-dramatic pose. His arms deflated as he began dragging himself towards the door. "Oh."

Entering the room, Dib was immediately awarded the satisfaction of his suspicions being not only correct, but overwhelmingly so. The room was some kind of _ cuddle room _ . There were fairy lights surrounding walls of a warm brown hue, and there in the middle, being almost the _ only _ thing in the room, was a giant, circular... bed... _ thing _ ? Dib tilted his head, incredibly confused. "Ya know, I know you guys are _ aliens _ and all, but our anatomy is similar enough that I just gotta ask- _ why is the bed just like a giant pet-bed-thing _??"

Zim scoffed, walking in and smelling the air cautiously. "Can you seriously stop criticizing_ literally anything _ that's not _ immediately _ to your personal liking?" He then stepped up to Dib at a pace fast enough to catch Dib off guard, making him stagger backwards. Zim pulled back, his face falling into an almost-hurt expression. But he shook his head, furrowing his brow. "I'm not gonna _ kill you _ , you _ perfectly pasteurized cheese _!"

Dib looked to the left, then back at Zim. "That's- not even an insult-?"

"SILENCE. I'm trying to teach you how to do the Smoots, _ remember _??" Zim took in a deep breath as Dib lowered his guard.

"_ Fine _," Dib said, defeat slipping into his tone as he held out his hand, "teach me then."

***

Zim poked his head out of the door and darted his gaze from the left to the right. He sighed, glancing back towards Dib. “Dib-human. I’ve tried my best, but you must know. You’re terrible.”

“Listen- that’s not a _ dance _ . That’s _ fucking torture- _” Dib applied pressure to his spine as he popped it back, trying to release some of his body’s tention.

Zim snapped his head back towards Dib, running over and holding his hands out tentatively. “_ OH MY FUCK- DIB??! STAY WITH ME, IT’LL BE OK- _ ” Dib’s eyes blew wide in shock as Zim threw off one of his gloves and desperately began feeling Dib’s face for a pulse. “ _ W-WHERE IS IT?? I-I FORGOT- _”

Dib grabbed Zim’s wrists and held them firm. They were shaking. “Zim, I’m- _ Zim. I’m fine. _”

Zim was inhaling shaky breaths, his pupils blown wide. “You’re- you’re _ not dying? _”

Dib let out a nervous laugh beneath his breath. “No, I’m _ not dying _. I was just stretching- that’s all.”

Zim blinked his wide eyes before yanking his hands back at the realization that Dib was still holding them. He then shoved his glove back on and crossed his arms close to his chest, furrowing his brows in defense. “_ Well don’t do that then _.”

Dib let a small smile curl his lip. “You were totally worried about me, weren’t you?”

Zim growled. “_ No. _ I didn’t want to deal with a _ dead human body _.”

“You took off your glove. You _ touched my face- _”

Zim turned curtly towards the door, his hand seemingly burning at the memory of Dib’s warm skin beneath his own. He forced the memory out. “We’re late. Let's go.”

Dib shrugged as he tucked that bit of information away for himself. “Fine by me. _ After you. _”

***

Zim was right; they _ were _late. By the time they got there, most everyone and their partners were standing in a long line, side by side. The length of this line encircled the entire floor.

Dib tried counting how many pairs there were to prepare himself mentally, but he couldn’t see all of them. He swallowed. “That’s a- uh. A lot of pairs, huh.”

Zim was also observing the sheer number of people, obviously surprised. Most of the pairs were nadian, but there were a very select few who were irken in the mix. This was definitely _ not _ a very irken tradition _ or even concept, _but here they were regardless. The few other irken pairs Zim and Dib could observe were obviously uncomfortable and nervous, glancing around the room anxiously. 

Romanticism and copulation in general were strictly regulated on Irk, if even _ allowed _ . Irken culture was militaristic, strict, and, above all else, _ dominant to all _ . To express equality of person or right was rare, as the mindset encouraged from smeethood on was ‘every irken for themselves.’ It was eat or be eaten, and only _ defective _irkens chose the latter.

Zim kept his expression neutral, as he could sense the curiosity stemming from those around him. He walked towards an open space, holding Dib’s hand and refusing to look back at him. Once they reached their spot, Zim held up his gloved hands, still refusing to make eye-contact with the _ Dib _ . “Try and keep up, _ stink-for-brains, _ if you embarrass me it’ll be the _ last thing _ you do.”

Despite Dib knowing that wasn’t _ necessarily _ true, he felt an instant spike in anxiety. This… 'dance' Zim had tried to teach him was nothing but a confusing blur of complicated positions, moves, and fast-paced switching. And _ that _ was the part Dib worried about most. This wasn’t a 'one-partner dance.' _ This _ was one of those weird, high-energy _ tango-type _ dances where you _ switch partners _ . Zim had gone through the motions and positions, explaining their order and how to transition into the next move, but Dib had forgotten most of it before he’d even gotten to practice. And now here they were, part of this giant ring looping around the ballroom, and Dib was expected to just- _ do all of that _. Despite Dib being in space, which was a lifelong dream for him, he wanted to die. Preferably before the music began.

Just then, the music began. Leaving _ no time _ for Dib to react, Zim immediately spun Dib out to the left, pulled him back in, then spun him out to the right to the tempo of the strange, alien music, which was _ extremely fast _. Zim had warned Dib about the pace and jerkiness of the dance itself, but by god, Dib didn’t even know his center of gravity anymore. Zim let go and began his individual portion, scowling towards Dib when all he could do was dizzily stumble back. Zim pulled Dib in again and spun him out, throwing his own body weight out as well. Catching sight of Zim’s smirk, Dib looked away. Something about the alien’s eyes was dangerous.

Zim cackled. “You’re actually tripping over _ nothing, Dib-meat! _ Not even your _ own feet- _ you’re just- you’re just _ falling!! _ ” As he said this, Zim twirled in synch with the others around him, the music complimenting his movements. Dib would _ never _ say it out loud, but Zim was… _ really good at dancing _ . Dib hadn’t even _ thought _ about the alien’s other skills, since he _ certainly _ didn’t have any in world domination, but if Dib _ had _ thought about it, he’d _ never _ guess something as intricate and focused as _ dancing _ . Before Dib could think about it anymore, Zim flung him out and towards the right, the other pairs doing the same. This was all the warning Dib got before another’s hands grabbed his own and pulled him close. Dib was dizzy and disoriented, his eyes taking a good second or two before they could focus. Once his vision _ was clear _ , however, he wished it wasn’t. Because there, directly in his face, was a sharp, toothy grin; and it was _ vicious. _ Dib recognized it immediately. _ Tak. _

Tak looked Dib up and down slowly, her expression unimpressed and unchanging. Dib’s heart rate escalated nervously, his hands becoming slick with sweat beneath the iron grip Tak had on him. Dib swallowed. He would be in _ deep fucking shit _ if Tak recognized him. She could call him out, or worse- _ kill him right then and there _. Before Dib could come up with all the horrible ways Tak could possibly rip him to shreds, the music picked up its original pace, and Dib was flung out once more. Except this time, the force of the swing was greater, twisting Dib’s ankle at the speed he had to adjust.

Tak gasped softly, knitting her eyebrows together and looking down at Dib’s foot. “Oh, oh no, I’m _ sorry, _ that could’ve hurt, couldn’t it? Hah, it’s a good thing you’re irken though, that might’ve _ broken _a nadian, what without our race’s superior flexibility.” Dib tried to offer up a confidant smile, but it came out as more of a secret cry for help. Tak didn’t give him a chance to do anything else before nearly throwing him out to the other side, Dib’s vision blurring and his head becoming light. He needed to sit down or find a way out of this stupid dance-thing.

Before Dib could come up with a proper, believable excuse, Tak dropped him into a dip so low, she nearly folded him in half. Doing this, she gracefully pointed her toes towards the ceiling, her leg arching above her head. Dib couldn’t breathe.

Tak looked to her left, where Zim was awkwardly trying to adjust to dancing with a _ very tall _nadian. She smiled coldly, shifting her gaze back towards Dib, who was practically suffocating. “Aww, Zim found himself a lover… never thought I’d see the day.” She sighed romantically as she threaded herself around Dib and let him fall forward, her claws roughly clinging to his stomach to keep him suspended.

He choked. “Y-yep- that’s me-” Tak flung him again, this time up and around. Dib didn’t even know where he ended up, but he could feel his blood rushing to his head. He felt dangerously close to passing out.

Tak let out a small laugh, her eyes crinkling along with it. “You know, it’s a good thing we irkens have incredible endurance- I don’t know _ what I’d do _if I didn’t and found out this dance will continue another four hours… those poor, poor nadians….”

Dib nearly floundered, his head reeling. “Wait- _ what?? _”

Tak nodded solemnly. “I know, I know… I feel bad for them too.” Saying this, Tak’s antennae perked as the music swelled once again, signifying the last few measures before another partner switch. Dib breathed out a rather obvious sigh of relief, cringing at how loud it had come out with his body as twisted as it was. Tak didn’t seem to notice, continuing her swift execution of his bones and muscle.

As the last few notes played, Dib prepared for the inevitable fling towards the next partner; who, Dib unfortunately observed, was nadian. He had no idea _ what _ to expect from them, even though they appeared to be friendly enough. But Dib _ wasn’t _ twirled at insane speeds towards his next partner. No, Tak was shifting her muscles to perform a much _ different _transition.

It all happened in slow motion, it seemed. Dib was initially confused as to why Tak hadn’t adjusted her weight to the side in preparation for the force of throwing him out towards the nadian, but then it became clear that Tak wasn’t planning on doing that at all. She lowered her weight, lifting Dib’s arm back and over her head as she did; and for a moment, Dib felt like he was flying. But then, as Dib’s brain caught up with his inertia, he remembered that all things that come _ up _ most also _ come down _. This was when he promptly began to panic.

Dib had only a few moments to flail his limbs around uselessly and let out a shrill shriek of shock and horror before his body crunched against the hard dance floor. The impact wasn’t enough to break any bones, but it _ was enough _to push Dib over the edge of consciousness.

Dib had passed out.

***

When Dib slowly became aware of his surroundings once more, he realized he was lying down- and that he was _ specifically _ lying down on the lap of a soft, warm body. Dib breathed in a shallow breath, reaching up his hand towards where he assumed a face would be. “ _ Zim…? _” His voice was hoarse, and his vision was dark and blurry. He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them wide in an attempt to bring his sight back. Before he was successful however, his limply searching hand was curtly snatched out of the air and suffocated, the circulation in his arm cutting off. This was enough of a shock to his brain to snap his vision back in place. And it wasn’t Zim’s soft eyes he was met with, but a pair of cold, hard, violet orbs peering down at him.

Dib forced himself upright as he yanked his hand out of Tak’s, his vision swimming and his pulse throbbing in retaliation. He gripped his head in pain, groaning in annoyance.

Tak clicked her tongue. “Aww. It’s sweet you call for your boyfriend in your sleep.”

Dib glared through his fingers at Tak. “He’s not my-”

Tak raised an eyebrow.

Dib coughed, feigning shock. “_ Wow _ , that hit must’ve- _ really _gotten me, huh? Ahaha, ahaha…”

Tak nodded, her lips pressed thin. “Must have. Anyway, sorry about that. Your reaction was… _ surprising _to say the least. That was a classic irken show of respect, I thought you’d feel honored if I incorporated it; seeing as you are… an Elite?”

Dib’s head throbbed with pain again- this was all getting too _ complicated _. “Sorry, huh?”

Tak spoke with her hands, her gaze shifting towards where the dance was still taking place over on the dance floor. “Well, you’re _ copulating _ with Zim, yes? In order to even _ apply _for such a permit one must be an Elite.”

Dib blushed furiously, looking down and fidgeting with his hands. “I never said we were- _ doing anything though _…”

Tak tilted her head. “But you _ are _his plus one?”

Dib shrugged, still looking down. “I guess.”

“You _ guess _?” Tak hummed. She then turned in her stool and glanced over the counter at which they were sitting. It was only then that Dib realized they were sitting at the bar.

Tak raised her finger at the nadian tender who made his way towards them with a smile. Tak looked over at the nadian and pointed a claw at Dib. “He hit his head pretty hard I think, maybe get him some Ambrosia; he could definitely use it.” The bartender nodded and turned back around to start fixing whatever the fuck Tak ordered. Dib hoped irken alcohol would get him drunk too; he was too sober for all this. And how had it all gone so south anyway? This was just supposed to be some quick and painless alien party-thing, not an elaborate, mind-achingly complicated ruse.

Tak looked over at Dib, seemingly reading his mind. “Oh, it’s not intoxicating, you of all irkens should know _ that _.”

Dib blinked. “And why is _ that… _?”

Tak let a small smile grace her lips. “Well, as an Elite, _ surely _ you’ve experienced enough damage to have drank Ambrosia at _ some point _or another, right?”

Dib internally screamed as he realized he knew literally fuck-all about Irken culture. And yet here he was, claiming not only to be in _ sexual relations _ with an irken, but _ also _ claiming to be some sort of ‘high-standing citizen.’ He sighed. “ _ Do remind me, I’ve seem to have hit my head _.”

Tak tilted her gaze, boredly watching the bartender as he shook up Dib’s drink. “Ambrosia is like a sort of… painkiller. It also helps heal injuries and clears head-fog.” She turned and smiled at Dib, almost looking sincere. “It’s good for when you hit your head.”

“Ah.” Dib set his elbow onto the counter and leaned his cheek onto his hand. What a disappointment.

When the nadian bartender was done, he slid the drink down the bar to where Dib was sitting. Dib watched as the pastel pink liquid sloshed in the tall glass, his anxiety growing. Was it even _ safe _ for him to be drinking an unknown, alien substance? What if the drink was poisonous to him? He knew nothing about what it was or how it would affect him. But he’d be damned if he wasn’t curious, and who knows? Maybe it _ would _ ease his pain. His aching head seemed to vote on taking the chance. So Dib took one last wary glance at an uninterested Tak before lifting the glass from the counter and taking a cautious sip. His eyes widened. It was _ delicious _. The stuff was mellow and sweet, a flavor liking to a mix between cotton-candy and strawberry. He downed it in two seconds flat.

Tak raised an almost-impressed eyebrow at this endeavor. “Wow. You must be in a ton of pain, huh.”

Dib shook his head, noticing that it throbbed a much duller rhythm. That stuff was tasty _ and _effective. He turned to Tak, a curious excitement fueling him. “Can I have more?”

***

Zim glanced around with slight concern. Where was the Dib? Why wasn’t he dancing with the rest of them? He’d noticed Dib left a while ago, but he thought maybe it was to pee or something. Humans did that often. Or maybe Dib was sick of the dance? If so, where’d he go? Was he off socializing with the nadians? Or maybe he was eating more food? Zim found himself scouring his brain for things Dib would rather be doing than dancing. The list was long. Eventually, Zim couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to know. He awkwardly excused himself from the dance, announcing he had more _ important matters _to attend to, and went off looking for Dib.

He found Dib rather quickly, at one of the first places he decided to look: the bar. Zim almost shrieked at what he saw. First he noticed Tak, and if _ that _ wasn’t horrifying _ enough _ , right _ next to Tak _ was Dib. Zim ran over, ready to have to cover for whatever stupid shit Dib might’ve let slip while drunk at the bar. He then paused. Dib wouldn’t _ be _ drunk. He _ couldn’t _ be. Irken bodies differed too greatly from human bodies. But then Zim observed the scene more closely. Dib _ did _ appear drunk. He was rocking back and forth as if off-kilter, and had a strange, dopey smile on his face. Zim shivered at whatever was strong enough for Dib to be smiling around _ Tak _of all people. He needed to get Dib out of there.

As Zim approached, Tak turned and smiled. A cold shiver ran down Zim’s spine at the very sight of it. “Oh, hello, Zim. I was just talking to your new _ plus one _ . No need to be wary or anything, I would _ never _ impose on such a… _ fitting _match.”

Zim grit his teeth. “What did you do to him.”

Tak gasped, holding her hand to her chest in an offended manner. “_ Goodness, _ how _ rude _ . Your _ mate _ here hit his head, and I was _ generous _ enough to offer him some Ambrosia. He must’ve been in _ so much pain, _ he downed about eight whole glasses. I don’t think any irken has ever drank _ so much of it _.”

Zim’s antennae squished against his skull in anger. This was the _ least _ ideal thing that could’ve _ possibly happened _ . Tak probably knew it too; she seemed to be _ reveling _ in it. “And _ why _did you let him order eight glasses of Ambrosia?”

Tak shrugged. “He wanted it. It’s not like it’ll _ hurt him _ . Look, he’s in a state of pure _ bliss _ . You should be _ thanking me _ .” Zim looked over at Dib, his concern only growing. Dib was watching their conversation intently, but he hadn’t said anything. That in and of itself was strange. Not only that, but Dib wasn’t watching the _ two of them _ speaking, but rather _ just Zim _. 

Zim tilted his head. “Uh. Dib-thing? Are you ok?”

Dib only smiled, leaning further onto his hands. “Your eyes are pretty.”

Zim nearly choked. “_ W-what _ ??” Dib opened his mouth, presumably to repeat what he’d just said, but Zim wasn’t having _ any of it _ . “ _ Nevermind _ \- just- we gotta go. _ Now _ .” Zim then grabbed Dib by the wrist, his antennae twitching at the realization that Dib smelled sweeter. He shoved this thought forcefully from his mind, a slight blush dusting his cheeks at the fact that he’d even _ notice that _ . He’d kill Tak. He was gonna literally actually kill her so dead she wouldn’t even be alive. But, unfortunately, killing Tak was for another time. Right now though, Zim had to figure out _ what even happened _ to Dib, and how he could possibly _ reverse it _ . Cuz Dib saying Zim’s _ eyes were pretty? _ Not a thing. Never _ would be _a thing. Dib must’ve been seriously poisoned by this stuff.

Zim spent a good while trying to remember where any sort of exit was before he’d eventually found one. He breathed out a sigh of relief. Zim continued to pull Dib towards the two large doors leading to the balcony, his patience growing thin as he noticed Dib just _ kept staring at him _ . Once they’d made it safely outside, the doors closed securely behind them, Zim dropped Dib’s hand and whirled around to face him exasperatedly. “What is your _ deal?? _ I can almost _ feel _ your _ gross human pheromones _ \- I don’t _ want them _ . Make them _ stop _.”

Dib blinked, seemingly not having processed what Zim said at all. Dib stepped closer. “I don’t think I _ can _.”

Zim jumped back at Dib’s small advance, his spooch sputtering in his chest. “Well at least _ try, _ ” he sneered, his antennae somehow flattening more-so than they already had. Dib tilted his head. Zim noticed Dib’s pupils were blown wide. Dib wasn’t sober. This wasn’t Dib. This was some sort of Dib-like _ thing, _but his scent was intoxicatingly sweet, and his demeanor was strangely forward. Zim didn’t like it. 

Dib took another step towards Zim. “I don’t think I _ want to _.” Zim kept backing up as Dib continued to walk towards him. Dib didn’t seem to be in any rush, and Zim was growing increasingly panicked as he noticed they were nearing a bridge. Zim didn’t like bridges; they made him anxious. Or at least the irken equivalent to anxious. As they reached the foot of the overpass, Dib stopped advancing. Zim cautiously observed him, secretly relieved he didn’t have to walk onto the bridge.

Dib appeared confused. “Why are you walking _ away _ from me? Are you _ so scared of me _ you’d retreat backwards onto a _ bridge _ ?” Zim blinked. Dib’s expression- it was openly hurt. Zim felt a twinge of guilt- or the irken equivalent to guilt anyway. Dib _ wasn’t Dib, _ Zim had to remind himself. Right. Dib wasn’t Dib. Dib _ wasn’t _Dib. Zim just stared. 

Dib sighed. “I’m not _ drunk, _ Zim. I’m just- it’s like- I have _ no fears. _ I’m- I feel _ capable _ .” Zim didn’t respond. Dib continued, almost desperately. “My insecurities and self-doubt had always held me back. My whole life. Don’t you _ get it? _ Can’t you understand? I just-” Dib flushed, getting lost in whatever he was going to say. 

Zim had curled in on himself, his claws drawing blood from his own arms at how hard he clenched them. “Dib, you’re- that’s not _ really _ what’s going on here. That stuff you drank? I don’t think your brain can handle it. _ Especially _not how much you took in.”

Dib furrowed his brows slightly. “What’s _ that _supposed to mean?”

Zim looked up at Dib, the stench of sickeningly-sweet mixed with human pheromones making him light-headed. “It _ means _ you took in an _ alien _ substance, and _ no one knows _how that’ll affect you. You’re not thinking clearly.”

Dib frowned. He then groaned, leaning back dramatically as he did, his palms pressing to his eyes. “Why can’t you just _ take my word for it _ ?? I’m _ me, _I would know if I was wasted off my ass, ok??”

Zim growled. “_ No, _ you _ wouldn’t _ . Which is why you _ don’t _ .” Zim hated this. He hated how Dib never listened. He hated how Dib’s scent was enhanced. He hated how that _ affected him _ . He hated how he felt a dark, budding urge to _ take advantage _ of Dib while in this state. He knew that was wrong. He knew he didn’t _ want _ that, not _ really. _ Sure, maybe Zim’s spooch rate elevated any time he thought about Dib. And yea, maybe Zim was curious if Dib felt the same way every now and then, the way Dib sometimes looked at him. But that didn’t _ mean _ anything. Dib was Zim’s _ mortal enemy _ . And besides, irkens couldn’t _ feel that way _ about a human, if at _ all _ . It was impossible. And even if it were, _ surely _ it was impossible for a _ human _ to love an _ irken _.

Zim was pulled out of his mind by Dib setting his hand gently on Zim’s shoulder. Zim jumped slightly. How had he not noticed Dib walking towards him? Zim looked up into Dib’s wide pupils, frozen in place. Dib was so close… and he smelled so sweet…. Zim had the fleeting urge to see if he _ tasted _ sweet as well. He blinked. Whatever was poisoning Dib must have been impacting Zim as well. _ Fuck… _ . He needed to push Dib away, to create a safe distance from Dib’s seemingly toxic scent before something terrible happened. But then Dib leaned down, his face only inches from Zim’s. Zim breathed in shallow and quick, regretting it immediately after he did. He’d never been so close to Dib before. And now that he _ had, _ he found it near impossible to back away.

Dib closed his eyes as he whispered, “_ Trust me _.” He then parted his lips, slowly closing the distance between him and Zim. Zim had plenty of time to push Dib away or to lean back; but he didn’t. He stayed where he was, his eyes closing as Dib came closer. Zim blamed it on the toxic fumes in Dib’s sweat.

As Dib gently pressed his lips to Zim’s, Zim instinctually reached his hands up to Dib’s face, holding it tentatively. Dib _ did _ taste sweet. Zim, realizing this, leaned further into Dib’s mouth, already growing hungrier and desperate for _ more _.

Dib hummed softly as Zim’s teeth scraped against his own, his hands slipping down Zim’s back to cradle his hips. Zim tilted his head, leading the kiss deeper and deeper. Dib didn’t seem to mind, soft sounds of pleasure echoing into Zim’s mouth. Zim could barely think anymore, his mind filling with a pleasant static as he licked the underside of Dib’s tongue. Dib shivered against him before he broke the kiss, his chest heaving with deep breaths. Zim nearly pouted, wanting nothing more than to burrow under Dib’s skin.

Dib pressed his forehead against Zim’s, still catching his breath. “Maybe we should… go somewhere more… _ private _ ?” Zim didn’t care. Zim barely processed what Dib was saying. But Dib took Zim’s hand and gently led him across the bridge towards the double doors leading to the suites. Zim followed, only aware of the constant mantra beneath the soft buzz of his brain: _ mine, mine, mine…. _

***

The turn of events was so sudden, it’d even caught Zim off guard. But as they made it to the third suite and barely waited for the door to open, Dib throwing off his trenchcoat and wrapping Zim in his arms, Zim couldn’t remember _ how to care _ . Zim never felt anything like this, and he _ sure as hell _ wasn’t planning on stopping. Dib seemed to have a similar perspective, albeit a more present one. Dib was intoxicated, Zim still had this fact sitting at the back of his mind. He found himself actively pushing it further and further back however, as his eyes fell to be half-lidded and his tongue slipped further into Dib’s mouth. Zim hated germs. He hated touching things. But right then, Zim wanted nothing more than to _ feel _ Dib’s skin, to claw into it, to pull those mumbling sounds from Dib’s throat. Zim didn’t know _ why _everything suddenly changed. Maybe he was being slowly poisoned too, his control slipping under with every passing of Dib’s lips against his own. Maybe it was instinctual, his PAK pumping pleasurous endorphins into his veins as reward for pulling Dib under his weight in the war of control. 

Dib seemed to be more flusterous, more sensual. Like he wanted to slowly drown rather than instantly plummet. Dib needed more time to breathe, more time to intermittently pause to look into Zim’s eyes, to press Zim’s forehead against his lips. Zim growled impatiently at this, throwing off his gloves just so he could claw into Dib’s cheeks. He liked feeling the searing hot skin flush beneath his fingers, hearing the caught breath turn to a surprised moan as Dib melted under Zim’s touch.

Wait. What was Zim even doing? Why was he here, in this dark room lit only by fairy lights stringing the walls? Why was Dib squirming beneath him, his breath hot against Zim’s throat? Zim’s eyes widened as he pulled back suddenly, the pleasant buzz fading to a thunderous roar as he turned away from Dib. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t Dib. Zim had done it. Zim had taken advantage of Dib while intoxicated, and in doing so, intoxicated himself. Zim’s spooch throbbed and his mind began swimming. He couldn’t understand this. This wasn’t- this had _ nothing to do _ with his mission. This wasn’t _ logical _ . Zim began breathing heavier and heavier as the realization built, his chest screaming from the rapid rise and fall of his lungs. This wasn’t irken. This was _ human _. Zim clamped his hands against his head, the feeling of Dib’s searing skin becoming too much to process. Zim felt his PAK overheating, his head swimming with countless contradictory thoughts. He needed to get out of there. He needed to leave. He needed-

Just then, Zim felt Dib’s hands massaging small circles into his shoulders. Zim froze. How does Dib keep coming closer without him noticing? Shouldn’t Zim’s PAK register Dib as a danger and alert him? But Dib lowered his head over Zim’s shoulder, his breath wet and just centimeters from Zim’s skin. Zim’s breath caught in his throat. _ He wanted this. _ Wait. No, he didn’t. 

Zim caved in on himself, pulling his knees to his chest as he felt his mechanical PAK-legs slowly expand and curl around him, forming a cage. It was his last line of defense, albeit a pathetically weak one. Zim could feel how hesitant even his PAK was in this situation. It didn’t seem to be detecting any immediate threats, but also seemed to know Zim wasn’t _deserving enough _for this. He wasn’t an Elite; not _really_. Zim’s PAK reminded him of such, pressing Zim’s own thoughts and wants further and further down in priority. This didn’t matter. This wasn’t the mission. The _mission _came before _anything_. Even his own life, if it came down to it.

Zim was trembling in the cage he’d created for himself when Dib approached him again, slower this time, almost as if coaxing a small, timid creature. Dib set one hand lightly on one of Zim’s PAK-legs and gently pushed it down and aside, leaving Zim’s left shoulder exposed. He leaned down again and pressed his soft lips against the skin there. Zim’s PAK-legs fell limp against the bed.

Zim shivered. “Dib- you- please, you don’t know what you’re doing….”

Dib hummed against Zim’s throat, pressing another small kiss there. “Pretty sure I do.”

Zim’s breath hitched as Dib bit down where he’d kissed, sucking a deep mark beneath Zim’s flesh. “N-No, you don’t- this… this isn’t real…. Stop before you do something you’ll regret-”

Dib reached out and took Zim’s chin in his hand, turning it towards himself. He looked deep into Zim’s bright, fuchsia eyes and smiled warmly. Zim nearly melted. “Feels pretty real to me,” Dib whispered, leaning in to plant another hot kiss upon Zim’s lips.

Zim couldn’t keep up his resolve for much longer, he knew this. Still, as the pleasant buzz seemed to slip right back into his mind, Zim thought maybe that wasn’t so bad. Maybe nothing would happen. Maybe Zim had nothing to fear. Maybe Zim could do this with Dib, just this one night. Maybe, just for one night, Zim could pretend he _ had _this privilege- this right. And that seemed to be Zim’s last coherent thought before he let Dib in, his defenses all taken down.

Dib _ knew _Zim wanted this. He could just tell. It was almost as if there was a signal, albeit a blurry one, between them. Dib didn’t really understand it, but he didn’t care enough to really think about it. Zim nearly whimpered as Dib sucked more and more marks into his skin. Zim’s skin was soft, and his taste was sweet; it was practically addictive. Zim seemed to become impatient however, turning to face Dib fully and leaning forward, forcing Dib to fall back against the bed, Zim looming over him. Dib didn’t mind, a hot feeling pooling in his gut as his blood rushed through his eardrums. Zim kicked his boots and leggings off, growling with the effort as his impatience grew. Dib let out a breathy laugh at the sight.

Zim’s antennae flattened against his head in embarrassment. “_ What, _” he nearly hissed, his face flushing pink.

Dib shook his head, pressing his hands against the base of Zim’s spine, pulling him closer. “You’re cute is all.” 

Zim’s antennae perked straight up despite himself, and he huffed, his arms crossing tightly against his chest. “I am _ not ‘cute.’ _”

Dib hummed as he moved his hands from Zim’s back to the hem of his Invader tunic, pulling it over Zim’s head. Zim flushed even more, Dib reveling in the realization. “Fine. You’re terrifying. I tremble in your presence.” Dib rolled his eyes playfully as he spoke.

Zim stuck his bottom lip out in a sort of pout, effectively making him _ even more cute _. Dib had to bite his tongue to keep himself from saying so. Zim leaned in, his bare stomach flush with Dib’s t-shirt as he breathed down Dib’s throat. Dib’s breath hitched.

Zim nearly _ purred _. “I don’t know what those neck-things you were doing are, but rest-assured I’m a fast learner.” He then lightly brushed his lips under Dib’s chin, teasing the skin there. Dib’s whole body went tense as Zim bit down hungrily, his eyes up and watching Dib’s expression.

Dib moved to throw off his shirt, too eager to keep any barriers between himself and Zim. Zim helped him by tugging off Dib’s jeans and then leaning down to press kisses above Dib’s waistband.

Dib’s hips jerked up in response, Dib short-circuiting a second before he looked up at Zim incredulously. “How- Where did you learn _ that?? _”

Zim smirked, his tongue pressing at the soft skin as he breathed out a laugh. “You really think we irkens don’t have mating rituals, human?” As if proving a point, he then gripped Dib’s thigh, bringing his mouth to the soft underside and scraping his teeth down to Dib’s knee. 

Dib couldn’t respond, all he could do was grip the bed sheets harder, his head still buzzing and his pulse still throbbing. Dib was developing an obvious hard-on, and if Zim was surprised about it, he didn’t show it. Instead, Zim seemed to build more steam, becoming more teasing and holding more back. Dib nearly gasped as his hips bucked up to meet Zim’s gentle touch before Zim pulled away. Dib needed _ more _, so he pulled his weight up and over, and, to Zim’s surprise, Dib ended up on top of Zim. Zim didn’t seem to be expecting that, his antennae shrinking in shock against his head, a small gasp breaking through his lips. Dib eyed the antennae, a curiosity building in his chest. He remembered Zim had always been touchy about them, the few times Dib had tried to inspect them. Dib wondered if maybe they were sensitive somehow, and built a resolve to find out. With Zim below him, his small chest rising and falling rapidly, Dib thought now as good a time as ever. He leaned down and pressed a kiss upon Zim’s head, moving his one hand to Zim’s cheek and the other to the base of one of Zim’s antennae, tentatively massaging it between his fingers. Zim melted, his antennae vibrating with pleasure as Zim muttered incomprehensible clicking sounds. Dib paused for a moment, recognizing one of the sounds as Irken for ‘fuck.’ Zim had used it many times before screaming at him what it meant so he could be ‘properly offended.’ 

Dib almost laughed at that, but his reminiscing was interrupted by an impatient, flustered Zim. “I swear to Irk, if you stop now, I’ll _ never forgive you _ .” Dib obliged, continuing to slide his hand along Zim’s antennae. Zim leaned into the touch, moving his hand down to his own undergarments and thumbing at what was beneath. Dib felt himself blush furiously as his mind wandered to what Zim’s junk would even _ look like _ . Did Zim even… _ have _anything? Obviously he did, since he seemed preoccupied with it just then, his breaths coming in short gasps. Dib didn’t want Zim to just jerk himself off however, and the Ambrosia still flooding through his veins made sure to give him the confidence to reach down to Zim’s hand and take it within his own, Zim both shocked and also mildly irritated.

Zim huffed, snatching his hand back from Dib. “Fine, fine, I just- you don’t-”

Dib blinked at Zim, a challenge rising in his eyes. “Try me,” Dib whispered, leaning forward, his mouth centimeters from Zim’s hips. Dib preened at how Zim shivered at his touch, Dib leaving a saliva trail from Zim’s hip-bone to right above Zim’s waistband. Dib smirked as he gently pulled down Zim’s briefs and tried to hide how curious he was about Irken anatomy. Specifically Zim’s. Dib was surprised to find that irken reproductive organs were very similar to human’s, if not the same. Not leaving any more time for Dib to think about it, Zim’s length twitched at the promise of touch, and Dib complied, leaning down and gently pressing a wet kiss to the tip. Zim’s hips rolled helplessly against Dib’s tongue, Zim choking out something in Irken at the feeling.

Dib didn’t really know what he was doing in all honesty. Yea, he was nineteen. And yea, he was still a virgin. Everyone in hi skool never let him forget about it, even _ after _ they’d all graduated. Dib didn’t have any experience except for whatever porn he was interested in watching, and his own hands below his belt. No one really wanted him. He whined about it sometimes to Gaz, who only nodded and occasionally mumbled in response. And his dad… well, let’s just say his dad wasn’t really there much to talk to anyway. Which was fine, since he didn’t think he’d _ want _ to talk about _ any of this stuff _with his dad.

Dib decided it didn’t really matter at the moment, the Ambrosia still soothing any edges those thoughts would’ve normally had. Instead, Dib focused his energy and attention to the wriggling, olive skin beneath him and how sweet and addictive it was. Dib slowly made his way down Zim’s stalk, sucking in his cheeks as he went, his tongue pressing and swirling along its shape. Zim was practically _ vibrating, _ his soft moans becoming harsher and quicker as Dib picked up the pace. Dib’s throat burned, and sometimes, when he went down too far, he could almost feel himself gag. But he kept it together, mostly by going to the tempo of Zim’s spooch rate. Zim clenched Dib’s hair, almost pulling painfully, but Dib didn’t mind. The Ambrosia was still numbing any sort of pain, and it was worth it all to hear the sounds Zim was making.

Zim’s Irken cries of pleasure escalated as Dib messily pulled down his own waistband so that he could relieve his own swollen bulge that felt ignored in all this, his mouth still slipping along Zim’s cock. Their movements both got sloppier and faster-paced, both hungry and desperate for release from the perpetual building they’d been doing.

Zim nearly pushed Dib off as he came, one final outcry of pleasure torn from his throat as he shook under Dib, clutching him close. Dib wasn’t that far behind, gritting his teeth as he spilled out over Zim’s stomach and onto the bed. He almost felt bad about it, knowing how particular Zim was with cleanliness, but he couldn’t really muster the energy to. And, collapsing next to Zim, their limbs intertwined as they breathed heavily and both started coming down from their high, he decided he didn’t feel bad about anything. 

He had no conflicting thoughts, the Ambrosia soothing his every concern and worry. That stuff worked better than any anxiety medication they’d prescribed him on Earth; the medication did more for Zim than himself, so Dib had just given him the bottle knowing Zim couldn’t get his own. Maybe Dib could take some Ambrosia home with him, drinking eight bottles everyday before fully waking up. Maybe he could stay this confidant, this sure of himself, forever.

Zim turned towards him, his wide, bright eyes searching for something in Dib’s face. Dib didn’t know what he was looking for or if he found it, but Zim curled around him, one of his hands coming up and brushing down Dib’s cheek. Dib was almost dumbfounded at how soft Zim could be, how soft he _ was _ , especially given their personal track-record towards each other. Dib didn’t hate Zim. Not anymore. He wasn’t even sure if he ever did. Maybe everything he did when he was younger was some sort of coping mechanism. Maybe he’d convinced himself no one would ever _ willingly _ be around him, so he’d come up with reasons to _ force _ Zim to be. Looking back on it, Dib knew how toxic that was. He could understand Zim’s initial loathing of him. And really, alien or not, who _ wouldn’t _ react like that? Dib found himself wondering when it had changed. When did he no longer feel a need to come up with excuses? When did he shift from trying to _ kill _ Zim to trying to get _ closer to him _? Sure, maybe he was scared Zim wouldn’t be as eager to be friends with him after what they’d done to each other for years. And maybe Dib still put up that facade whenever he felt Zim become uncomfortable or unsure in a situation. Dib had sort of assumed Zim couldn’t feel any other way. And sometimes, that made pretending much worse.

Dib sighed, pushing these thoughts away as his heavy lids closed from exhaustion. He didn’t know what time it was, but he felt like it was late, his body already luring to sleep.

Zim tucked his head snugly under Dib’s, almost laying over Dib’s chest. He breathed deeply, his antennae reaching for Dib’s fake ones and instinctually rubbing against them. “You’re much quieter in bed than I thought you’d be,” Zim mused, almost to himself.

Dib let out a breathless laugh, pulling Zim closer. “Yea? Well… you’re much _ louder _than I expected.”

Zim smiled, closing his eyes as he breathed in the sweet smell of Dib’s sweat. “Irkens feel no need to hide our pleasure. When with our mate anyway.” Zim’s eyes widened and he froze, only then realizing what he’d said. He felt rigid, not daring to look up at Dib’s face. Zim listened for any change in Dib’s heartbeat, his antennae twitching in concentration. Dib didn’t seem to notice, nor did he seem to care. Oh, right. Dib was still intoxicated. Zim’s spooch sputtered at that, realizing what they’d- what _ he’d _ done. Dib was unaware. Dib wasn’t even _ sober _ . Even if he _ had _known, he wouldn’t have been able to make a conscious choice. Zim felt himself begin to internally panic, his PAK heating up once more, before Dib placed a small kiss upon his head and curled his arm around Zim’s shoulders. “Goodnight, Zim,” he whispered, closing his eyes softly one final time before he drifted off to sleep. Zim couldn’t sleep, not with his mind racing as it was. So instead, he opted to listen to the soft beating of Dib’s heart to help ground him. It worked. It always did.

***

Zim had woken up very early in the morning, feeling a desperate need to clean himself off and feel fresh again. He’d taken his time in the shower, first trying to figure out how the fuck a Nadian shower _ worked _ , and then washing himself of the dry, sticky substance of Dib’s cum on his stomach. He almost didn’t _ want to _, washing the sweet smell of Dib’s sweat off of him felt like he was erasing what had happened. He reminded himself he always had the memory, even if it was just for one night. He set his head against the porcelain wall, letting the shower run down his back as he closed his eyes. He could do this. He was practically certain Dib would wake up and brush it off as a one-time thing. He’d been drunk, after all.

Zim came out of the Nadian bathroom freshly showered and back in his clothes. It felt nice. It was familiar and comforting, and it made him feel more in control. Zim noticed Dib was sitting up in bed, looking disoriented and confused, gripping his head. Zim walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed, decently far away from where Dib was.

Dib groaned, not looking up. “God, it’s so _ fucking bright _in here….”

Zim pursed his lips, looking over at the large windows almost stretching across the entire front-wall of the room. “Yea… Nadia has three suns… it gets pretty bright here when it’s day.” He then walked over to the curtains and drew them, walking across the room to make sure it was closed all the way.

Dib looked up then, his eyes blinking rapidly to adjust. “Ugh… my head is _ killing me _.” Dib twisted his arm as he held his shoulder, grimacing. “That dance really messed me up….” He looked up at Zim then, an incredulous look in his eyes. “Did you actually dance the whole four hours??”

Zim blinked. “Um. No. No, I didn’t.”

Dib nodded, going back to stretching his limbs and popping his neck. It still made Zim bristle at the sound of it. “So what… _ happened last night _ ?? I mean- I hit my head, I know that, obviously-” Dib looked around him, seemingly just noticing how he was in bed in nothing but his briefs. “But how’d I get in bed? Did you... _ carry me _?” He said this with a smirk, almost as if that should be something Zim would be ashamed of.

Zim bit his lip. Dib really didn’t remember? Zim mentally slapped himself; of _ course _ Dib didn’t remember, he was _ wasted off his ass _ . Zim thought about that. This was… this was _ great _ ! No one had to know! Zim could go on with his life, and so could Dib, and everything can go back to _ normal _ . Zim cocked his hips as he crossed his arms. “Sure, yes, I _ carried you _. Happy now?”

Dib preened, straightening his spine and holding his hand under his chin. “Very much so. Now I can add that to the list of things I’ll constantly remind you of.”

Zim bit down on his lip harder, nearly drawing blood. This was good. This was fine. This was what he wanted. And, as Dib made his way out of bed and hobbled painfully towards the bathroom to get ready, Zim decided that Dib never needed to know anything. He didn’t need to know what they’d done last night. He didn’t need to know they’d clung to each other afterwards. And he _ definitely _didn’t need to know that irkens mated for life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the complete lack of Red and Purple, I promise they'll be HEAVILY involved in the fourth chapter!! Thanks again for reading, and forgive me for my very novice smut writing lmao.
> 
> Also, to feel some obviously much needed extra pain, please consider:  
Zim's POV: You Were Drunk by Anthony Amorim  
Dib's POV: Mr. Melancholy by Anthony Amorim  
Suffer with me please  
:,)

**Author's Note:**

> Stick around, it may or may not be continued, it's always a toss for me lmao I'm sorry I hate myself too.
> 
> Feel free to leave comments and kudos though!! It actually improves the chances of it being continued incredibly! Love you all!
> 
> Glorious art provided by my sister, Rabuu Bunni, who is just as deep in this god awful worm hole of a fandom. Find more of her amazing art, (and maybe some teasers,,,) here:  
https://rabuubunni.tumblr.com/


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